Things would be so much better for everyone, I am certain, if I ruled the world. Here are just a few of the sweeping changes I would make:
- Gourmet meals could be made quickly and easily just by adding water. And by gourmet, I mean fresh food tailored to my exact tastes at the moment (even if I change my mind within five minutes of the meal), with no additives or preservatives, and no difficult packaging to get in my way. The water could be either hot or cold because my scant culinary skills do actually include turning on a faucet and heating up a kettle.
- It would be illegal to make a law making it illegal to feed a human being under any circumstances.
- Men would not be made to look moronic in TV commercials. I am not a man, so I don’t know why this is such a big pet peeve of mine. I am raising sons. Maybe that’s why.
- People would just sort of automatically know that by texting while driving they are, at best, causing inconvenience, and, at worst, are causing harm, and then they would not ignore this knowledge by thinking to themselves, “Not me, I can text and drive without causing inconvenience or harm, because I’m different. I am so very special.”
- No one would ever take their time and have a nice long chat with the cashier, who is sweating and fidgeting uncomfortably as she watches her line grow ever longer, just because they were there first and they can.
- Receptionists at doctors’ offices would know that it’s possible and really quite probable that you don’t feel very well, but even if you are perfectly healthy and just there for a checkup, you are possibly and really quite probably about to take your clothes off, and maybe even get a shot, and you don’t really want to, and so they would be extra polite and wouldn’t give you a hard time about anything for any reason.
- People moving slowly would get out of the way of people moving quickly, with the understanding that the fast-moving people are probably stressed out and have somewhere important to be, like an important business meeting or a dance recital or a labor and delivery room.
- Gourmet coffee could made quickly and easily just by adding water. Oh, wait…
What would the world be like if you were in charge?